Date: Thu Nov 30, 2000 8:01am

After four years on paxil, I was tired of the huge weight gain, I 
was tired of not feeling, I was tired of the fog and distance it put 
me from my life. I lost my father last month after a very long and 
painful time, but it was like I was an observer, not a participant. 
For two weeks, I took paxil every other day, then last Monday, I 
stopped. It probably wasn't the best way and it has been a nightmare 
ever since. Extreme flue like symptoms, fever, vomiting, diarrea, 
chills, hot flashes, ect. When I stand, I am dizzy, when my husband 
starts talking, I seem to snap at odd points in our conversations. I 
have no great will to do anything. I found the paxil message board 
the other night, which led me to this group. Uncontrollable crying 
seems to be the worst, and the visions in my head that won't allow 
sleep. I was so despondant the other night, visions of putting my 
husbands hunting rifle into my mouth were an odd comfort, this 
frightened me like no other symptom had. Logically I knew that this 
was not something I could or wanted to do, I knew that I had to reach 
out to others with the same experiences and the knowledge to help 
me. Thankfully that picture has gone, but I fear that in a weak 
moment, well, I just fear the weak moments. I know that quitting 
cold turkey is not good, but circumstances that they are for me right 
now, I had to start feeling, even if it was painful. If you cant 
tell, this is a good moment right now, I am physically feeling 
miserable, but I am feeling, this must be the beginning. 

Anonymous